One of the “tricks” I used back as a pre-teen to conceal my bulimic behavior was using my meal napkin as a “dumping pit” during mealtimes.
Yep, you know that common wipe-your-mouth napkin that you rest your silverware on when you set the table? Well, that napkin enabled me to deposit food, mainly meat that I just couldn’t stand chewing, from my mouth to the napkin where it would stay until I could leave the table and get rid of it.
You see, I had developed quite the gag reflex as a pre-teen. Mostly, from what I remember, was when I was chewing meat of any kind. If there was even a tiny bit of gristle or fat in the meat, it would make me gag. Of course, gagging at mealtimes is frowned on and it should be. It’s not very comfortable for other members sitting around the table to hear that sound, however, it can be a “red flag” to a parent that there may be a food issue and would need watching.
Because I didn’t want to embarrass myself by gagging at inappropriate times and have others upset at me, I started using my napkin to spit the food into if I even remotely thought it would trigger a gag reflex. Then it got to be a habit to use this trick when I just didn’t want to eat what was on my plate. I even went and got a second napkin occasionally because I started being a “clumsy” child at the table (on purpose) so I could fill up two napkins instead of one.
And so the habit developed and grew into something that enabled me to deflect a LOT of food away from where it was supposed to be; my belly.
Since one of my house chores was cleaning dishes after mealtime, it was easy for me to get rid of all the napkins in the trash after dinner. No one ever noticed that I had the napkin either crushed in my palm out of sight or put to the side almost under my plate during mealtimes. I got sneaky about how often I used my napkin and everyone either didn’t see it or just thought I was using my napkin the way it was supposed to be used.
There are many sneaky little behaviors that develop when concealing an eating disorder. This is just one that I remember as being very easy to hide.
Source by Michelle Lacroix Toro