After eating naturally for 20 years I now know that I used to use food to control my emotions. I was completely unable to cope with a lot of things that had happened in my life. So instead of acknowledging them and allowing myself to feel loss, sadness, and grief I ate instead.
This meant I didn’t have to feel because that was too hard and completely overwhelming. I was able to control my feelings by using food. To be honest I probably lived for 20 years of my life in a fog, doing what I needed to get through the day, but not actually living or feeling.
When I was diagnosed with depression and bulimia in 1996 I was completely blown away. I’d more or less worked out that I was suffering from depression as most days I didn’t want to get out of bed. But the fact that I had Bulimia was a real eye opener. That’s because I never made myself sick, what I did was exercise excessively instead. Eventually I learnt that this was simply another form of purging. It was also another form of control. I would eat very little and only “healthy” food, exercise at least once if not twice every day and then binge in the evenings. It was a very negative cycle of dieting, exercising and bingeing. Continue reading “Noticing and Acknowledging Your Emotions Empowers Change”